This is an explanation to some of those who were and still are important to me.
To NadE. Our friendship was supposedly special to me because i really think you are a super nice girl who can be super mean at times. At times laa but itu lumrah manusia kan. Haha. I know i owe u one big explanation even if u dont ask for it cos i know ure not the kind of person who will budge an inch. Thus, im making this first step to explain it to u here.
I know we had this argument about the tuition assignment. It was partly my fault when i did not reply u. Its not that i did that purposely but more of i cannot because i was so bogged down with school, work (at that time) and tuition. You know the reason im working so hard right? I dont have it good like you. Not that its your fault that u have it good. Its just that in life, some people have it good while some just hafta work for it. And i happen to be the latter. Im not complaining tho. Cos its my fault that i couldnt quite manage my schedule very promptly. Alls well that ends well because i finally got to arrange everything proper but i know that in the process i actually hurt u a little and frustrated u. Im sorry. i know i have apologised to u but im doing it again for i really treasure our friendship. Now that brings me to another point.
You might think that if i really treasured our friendship, i would have gone out with u as promised. I know, i know. I am a born procrastinator but i really never meant not to keep my words. I still do rmbr our promised outings. With regards to the previous outing twas cancelled, it was because my lecturer totally sprung a surprise on me. As im new to the whole system, i cannot possibly know how to cheat it and leave class for you. As for the other outings, i really think we need both hands to clap. You hafta remind me and vice versa. Im not making any excuses. I believe i have done wrong and once again, i apologise for everything.
As for doing stupid things and getting into trouble. Yes, im crazy. Yes, i was under undue pressure. Yes, i was stressed. I was alone. Im not blaming anyone for not being there for me. I dont even expect for anyone to be there for me. I just hope u try to at least know that I didnt want to be yours or zie’s burden when i was down. I felt most at ease and accepted when i was hanging out with my ‘other friends’. Because they believe me. They heard my story. And that was all i needed at that time. I know i told u i stopped but i started again. And i did call ur love because i really felt disappointed at that time. And i knew i’d upsetted u abt the tuition so i didnt wanna call u.
I know i promised to tell you my story. But there’s always this part in me that tells me not to for im afraid u’d doubt my credibility especially when im misunderstood for being crazy and untrue.
Now that ive finally found a way to explain myself, i hope that u’ll forgive me. If i was lying about how much i cherished and treasured our friendship, i wouldnt have put my pride down to apologise to u. But this is true and im really not acting all this out for the sake of it. I mean it, im sorry.
- noni -
